Below is a response to #1, Choose the one that induces the most fear… in SECTION TWO, Introspection, of the Writing From Within: A Journey of Healing and Empowerment e-workbook:
Sacrificing myself for the good of others. Not realizing how the demands of my calling had affected my emotional health and the impact on me, my partner, and my children. The imbalance of my affections and the lack of my ability to give more when more was needed. How do you quench someone’s thirst when your cup is empty. Protecting that burning internal energy that allows me to recharge and wake up to a new day and face each challenge.
The first challenge was the unknown human autoimmune disease, later known as AIDS. Watching young men come in with what some referred to as the “gay” disease, a stigma to society some were heard saying. Such hypocrisy for a society that was founded on religious values and caring for your brother. Who are we to judge? I don’t wear those shoes. Weak, helpless, fearful, I listened and comforted with supportive gestures and humor. Humor gets you thru the worst of times. It lightens the air and lifts the pressure on your heart, allowing you to come up for air with a smile or laugh.
COVID was much the same. Fear everywhere on the faces of nurses, doctors, patients, and families. Watching the nightly news and seeing the gurneys of deceased elderly nursing home residents being carted out to the ambulance waiting for a ride to the morgue, and then it was our reality. Not enough morgue space for the dying, refrigerated trucking containers to hold the bodies. I’m worried. How do I protect myself. I sacrifice myself to the cause, knowing that once again my family is at risk. How much so, I don’t know. Response is unknown and uncertain.
Our team pulled together, coming up with guidance, information and changing the workflow of the hospital. We all became ill and a few of us died. We watched and worried, buried our fear and kept on marching, doing what we had been trained to do, and in the end thankful that we had endured and cared for the hundreds that lived and many that died. Looking back is painful, but it also affirms my trust in the people that have chosen to follow my same path. Where would we be without each other?
