Ever have one of those days that is so bad, you can hardly believe it? If you haven’t gotten to the point yet where you can laugh about it, maybe these quotes will give you reason enough to do just that.
Have a good laugh, let off some steam, and jump back in.
“Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.” ~ Yogi Berra
“You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.” ~ Ellen Degeneres
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.” ~ George Karlin
“Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.” ~ George Burns
“I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.” ~ Groucho Marx
“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” ~ Steve Martin
“I gave my cat a bath the other day … they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, if was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that …” ~ Steve Martin
“I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.” ~ Steve Martin
“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” ~ Isaac Asimov
“When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.” ~ Albert Einstein
“Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.” ~ James A. Garfield
“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.” ~ Elayne Boosler
“My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?” ~ Margaret Smith
Do you have a favorite joke or funny quote? Share it here. Make us laugh!